... It starts long before they step on a stage
By Sakeenah Jatto
We often think confidence is something we teach children when we enrol them for public speaking classes, encourage them to perform on stage, or tell them to “speak up.”
But what if confidence begins much earlier?
What if it begins in the small, ordinary conversations we have with our children every day?
What if it begins at the dining table, in the living room, during disagreements, and even in the way we respond when our children tell us what they think?
After reflecting on some of my own childhood experiences, I have come to believe that there are three simple things parents can intentionally do to help build confidence in their children.
1. LET YOUR CHILD HAVE AN OPINION
Ask your child what they think.
Not because your child should become the decision-maker in the home.
Not because every suggestion they make must be accepted.
But because children need opportunities to practise forming and expressing their thoughts.
Ask:
“What do you think we should do about this?”
“Which option do you prefer?”
“Why do you think this is a better idea?”
It can be about something very simple. Listen to what they say.
You may not eventually follow their suggestion, and that’s perfectly fine.
The goal is not to teach your child, “Whatever you say must happen.” The goal is to teach them: “My thoughts are worth expressing.”
A child who is never invited to contribute at home may grow into an adult who is constantly looking around to see what everyone else thinks before deciding what they think.
Give your child opportunities to have a voice before the world demands that they find one.
2. ASK YOUR CHILD HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT WHAT THEY HAVE ACCOMPLISHED
When your child does something well, we naturally want to praise them.
“Well done!”
“Excellent!”
“I’m so proud of you!”
And those words matter.
But sometimes, don’t stop there.
Ask:
“How do you feel about what you have done?”
Your child gives a presentation?
Ask, “How did you feel standing in front of everyone?”
Your child gets an excellent result?
Ask, “Are you proud of yourself?”
Your child creates something?
Ask, “What do you like most about what you made?”
You are helping your child develop an internal sense of confidence.
You are teaching them to recognise their own effort, growth and achievements not simply wait for someone else to tell them whether they did well.
We don’t want children who only know how to receive validation.
We want children who can look at themselves and say:
“I am proud of myself.”
Teach your child to appreciate your praise, but also teach them to recognise their own worth.
3. LET YOUR CHILD TELL THEIR SIDE OF THE STORY
This one is particularly important to me.
If your child gets into a disagreement with someone and says: “That’s not what happened. Let me explain.”
Don’t automatically shut them down simply because the other person is older.
Listen.
This doesn’t mean the adult is always wrong. And it doesn’t mean the child is always right.
It simply means that age should not determine who gets to be heard. Your child may explain themselves and you may discover that they were completely wrong.
Correct them. Teach them.
Hold them accountable.
But let them speak. Because there is a difference between teaching a child respect and teaching a child to be afraid of speaking.
A confident child should be able to say respectfully:
“I understand what you’re saying, but that isn’t what happened.”
And that kind of confidence is often developed at home.
I recently listened to a fellow communication coach share an example that really stayed with me.
He spoke about deliberately giving a child an uncommon food to take to school.
Imagine everyone else bringing noodles, pasta, pizza and the familiar lunchbox favourites, while your child opens their lunchbox and sees tuwo.
The child may come home and say:
“Mummy, please don’t give me tuwo again. My friends will laugh at me.”
And instead of immediately changing the food, you could use that moment to teach confidence.
You could say:
“But you like tuwo. That’s what you wanted to eat. If your friends laugh, you can simply tell them, ‘That’s what I want to eat. That’s why I brought it.’”
It sounds like a simple lunchbox conversation.
But it is actually teaching something much bigger.
You don’t always have to follow the crowd to belong.
It is teaching the child that being different does not automatically mean being wrong.
It is teaching them to have an opinion of themselves.
Because the world will constantly tell our children what to wear, what to like, what to say, what to think and who to become.
We need to teach them how to listen to their own convictions too.
Confidence is not raising a child who thinks they are better than everyone else.
It is raising a child who knows:
“I have a voice.”
“My thoughts matter.”
“I can respectfully express myself.”
“I can listen when I am corrected.”
“I can admit when I am wrong.”
“And I don’t have to become someone else simply because everyone else is doing something different.”
And perhaps, before we ask our children to become confident, we should ask ourselves a more important question:
Have we created homes where their voices are safe?
Because confidence doesn’t begin when your child steps onto a stage.
It begins much earlier.
Sometimes, it begins with a parent asking:
“What do you think?”
Sometimes it begins with:
“How do you feel about what you have done?”
And sometimes, it begins with the simple words:
“Tell me what happened. I’m listening.
Sakeenah Jatto is a Communication Coach, Diction Coach, Educator and Public Speaking Trainer with over a decade of experience helping children, teenagers and adults communicate with confidence and clarity. She is passionate about raising confident communicators and empowering young people to find their voice, express themselves effectively and thrive in an increasingly communication-driven world.
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Opinion